டேய் மச்சான்!!!

ஹைக்கூ கவிதை!!!

அன்று நான் என் காதலியின் பெயரை பச்சை குத்திய தடயத்தை தடவி பார்த்து, இன்று என் மகள் கேட்கிறாள் "என் மீது அவ்வளவு பாசமா அப்பா" என்று...

தயவுசெய்து பெண்களை மலருடன் ஒப்பீடாதீர்....ஏன் என்றாள் மலர் வாடுமே தவிர யாரையும் வாட வைப்பதில்லை!!

அவள் என்னை விரும்பவில்லை என்று தெரிந்ததும் என் மனதை கல்லாக்கிக்கொண்டேன்.... ஆனால் அதிலும் சிற்பமாய் அவள்!!

என்னை பிடிக்கவில்லை என்ற வார்த்தைகூட அழகாகத்தான் இருந்தது...அவள் உதடுகள் உச்சரிக்கும்போது!!

நீ விடும் பட்டம்கூட உயரத்த்ில் பறக்க மறுக்கிறது....யாருக்குத்தான் மனசு வரும் உன்னை விட்டு விலகி செல்ல!!

ஜோதிடத்தில் நம்பிக்கை இல்லை...ஆனாலும் பார்த்தேன்...அந்த கிளியின் ஐந்து நிமிட விடுதலைக்காக!!

மேகமூட்டம் போல் அவள் நினைவுகள்.... எப்போது வேண்டுமானாலும் மழை வரலாம்...என் கண்ணில்!!

வெப்காம் பார்த்து அழுகை நிறுத்தும் குழந்தை....சிரித்தபடியே அழும் ஆன்சைட் அப்பா!!

Dinner Party - Smart Husband!!!

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.

It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”

He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.

He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”

Baby Monkey - Juz for laugh!!!

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

PS: This is just for laughing..... not to hurt someone.

Lateral Thinking!!!

A priest in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!"

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.

Hiring made Easy!!!

A corporation advertised all kinds of positions to fill for their new office in a big city, the candidates were selected based on their resume and tested for their aptitude for the positions

The corporation put around one hundred baseball balls in some particular order in a closed room with the room window open Then they send a group of two to three candidates of particular discipline into the room and locked it from outside They left them alone and came back after six hours, to analyzed the situation:

[1] If they were counting and recounting the number of balls - They were hired for the ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT

[2] If they had messed up the whole place with the balls - They were hired for the ENGINEERING

[3] If they were arranging the balls in some other order - They were hired for the PLANNING

[4] If they were throwing the balls at each other - They were hired for the OPERATIONS

[5] If they were sleeping - They were hired for the SECURITY

[6] If they had squashed the balls into pieces - They were hired for the INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY

[7] If they were staring out of the window - They were hired for the EXPORT

[8] If they were sitting idle - They were hired for the HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT

[9] If they had thrown the balls out of the window - They were hired for the MATERIALS DEPT

[10] If they were clinging onto the balls - They were hired for the TREASURY

[11] If they said they had tried different combinations, yet not a ball had moved - They were hired for the SALES

[12] If they had already left for the day - They were hired for the MARKETING and finally

[13] If they were talking to each other and not a ball had moved - They were hired for the TOP MANAGEMENT

God's creation!! isn't it??

God created the donkey and said to him.

"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"

God granted his wish.

*******

God created the dog and said to him:

"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.

You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.

You will be a dog. "

The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years."

God granted his wish.

*******

God created the monkey and said to him:

"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.

You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.

*******

Finally God created man ... and said to him:

"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.

You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.

You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

*******

Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused."

God granted man's wish

*******

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,

marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,

working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,

he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,

he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,

going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life. Is'nt it ??????????

Equal and Opposite!!!

NEWTON'S THIRD LAW STATES: "Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction... "

Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exist two sides of the same coin!


All good things come to those who wait
BUT
Time and tide wait for none.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.
BUT

The best things in life are free

Slow and steady wins the race
BUT
Time waits for none.


Do it well, or not at all.

BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT

Opposites attract.


Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.


Great starts make great finishes.
BUT

It isn't over till it's over.


Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.


Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

FACE DIFFICULTIES POSITIVELY

This parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule praying. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. He called his neighbors together, told them what had happened, and requested them to help in burying the old mule in the well.

Initially the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck the mule. Every time a shovel load of dirt landed on the mule’s back, it WOULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!

Blow after blow, the mule shook the dirt off and stepped up! No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought panic and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP!

It wasn’t long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him actually helped… all because of the manner in which it handled the adversity.

Morale :

THAT’S LIFE! We need to face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity

Flash News (CWG - 2010)

* There will be only one sport this year in CWG 2010... swimming.... since Delhi is flooded

* Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.

* With Pak - Eng series more or less dusted the bookies will start betting on which roof will fall next at the CWG

* The chairman of the indian commonwealth games tried to hang himself but the ceiling collapsed

* At the 100 mts race at CWG they might fix a board near start line - GO SLOW, MEN AT WORK!

* Common wealth games has been renamed to Corruption Wale Games.

* Questions to win a crore rupee in KBC

Q13: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?
A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)

Q14 : Find the person hidden in this sentence - 'Sir U Made Lakhs'.
A : Rearrange the letters and the answer is 'Suresh Kalmadi'.

BUSINESS! INDIAN WAY !!!

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Someone gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday. I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 5,000/- and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money. The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed

HRD Notice of a company to employees!!!

Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).

- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

6) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.

Best Regards,

HRD

Lateral Thinking kids!!!

Printing Mistake in question Paper:

"Prove that 2/10 = 0.2" is wrongly printed as "Prove that 2/10=2".

Students: Evvalavo panittom, itha panna mattoma?

2-two

10-ten

=>2/10

=Two/ten

cancel t

=wo/en

by albhabetic order,w-23

o-15

e-5

n-14

w+0=23+15=38

e+n=5+14=19

so,38/19=2

Hence proved

PERFORMANCE & not POSITION matters!!!

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice.

I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'

"It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts."

I Want To Go Back To The Time...

When INNOCENCE Was NATURAL,Not FAKE.

When GETTING HIGH Meant On A SWING,Not PROMOTIONS.

When DRINKING Meant RASNA ORANGE,Not BEERS/ WHISKEYS Or COFFEE/TEA.

When DAD Was The Only HERO,Not DEPP Or TOM.

When LOVE Was MOM’S HUG,Not The GIRL FRIENDS’ / BOY FRIENDS’.

When DAD’S SHOULDER Was The HIGHEST PLACE On The Earth,Not DESIGNATION.

When Your WORST ENEMIES Were Your SIBLINGS,Not MANAGER.

When The Only Thing That Could HURT Were BLEEDING KNEES,Not The TEARS Falling Down Your Cheeks.

When The Only Things BROKEN Were TOYS,Not The DYING HEARTS.

And When GOOD-BYES Meant TILL TOMORROW,Not For YEARS & YEARS.

Email Heights!!!

HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by someone in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself.

Really Smart!!!

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.And they say Kashmir belongs to them".

Pay Attention!!!

1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.
Then he said them to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION; I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.


Moral:Life is tough but it’s a lot tougher when you are not paying attention!!!

Bug the life out of irritating callers

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls from irritating you:

1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2 Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3 Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4 Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5 Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

6 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... Louder... Louder... Louder!

7 If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.... ........."

8 Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

9 Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.

10 Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the HSBC call centre number.

English a funny language !!

Oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:-

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly

8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies


the Mother of all......


11) Happily Married

Cannibal Programmers :-)

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So here after please don't eat a person who is working."

Wrong goals come in many formats!!!

They could be:

* Things you're trying to achieve because other people want you to
* Doing something just to impress others
* Focusing on something you don't care if you achieve or not
* Mirroring others just because you think it's the right path to take

The Art of Appraisal !!!

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*