An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family.
He would miss the paycheck, but he wanted to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor.
The carpenter said yes, but his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.
So it is with us. If we build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.
If we had realized that we would have done it differently.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely.
It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.
The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."
Moral:Your attitudes and the choices you make today will be your life tomorrow, build it wisely.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Windows error codes
Recently the following undocumented error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the internet:
o WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
o WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
o WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
o WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
o WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
o WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
o WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
o WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
o WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
o WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
o WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
o WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More RAM needed. More! More! More!
o WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
o WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
o WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
o WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
o WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
o WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
o WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
o WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
o WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
o WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
o WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
o WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
o WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute.
o WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
o WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
o WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
o WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.
o WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated again.
o WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
o WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many erros encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.
o WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
o WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
o WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50.312.583 Bytes available
o WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
o WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
o WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
o WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
o WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
o WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
o WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
o WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
o WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
o WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
o WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
o WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More RAM needed. More! More! More!
o WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
o WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
o WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
o WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
o WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
o WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
o WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
o WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
o WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
o WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
o WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
o WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
o WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute.
o WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
o WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
o WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
o WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.
o WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated again.
o WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
o WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many erros encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.
o WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
o WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
o WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50.312.583 Bytes available
Clever Scrabble
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:SPARKLING DRIVE
BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:ARAB DEATH
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
When you rearrange the letters:FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:SPARKLING DRIVE
BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:ARAB DEATH
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the guest room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.3,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs47,00,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.51,50,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra lakh and 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
"Anyone knows to whom this mobile belongs to?"
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.3,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs47,00,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.51,50,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra lakh and 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
"Anyone knows to whom this mobile belongs to?"
Monday, July 23, 2007
Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Art of Questioning
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son...by all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son...by all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Dumb Person are not Fools
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves."What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store."Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER............"
Moral: When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves."What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store."Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER............"
Moral: When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
How is a paradigm formed?
A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on the top.
Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.
After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder.
After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.
Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up.
After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why.
A 2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The 1st monkey participated on the beating for the 2nd monkey. A 3rd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating). The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.
What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received a cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.
If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder…..
I bet you the answer would be….
“I don’t know – that’s how things are done around here”
Does it sounds familiar?
Don’t miss the opportunity to share this with others as they might be asking themselves why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there.
"Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not so sure about the former." -Albert Einstein
Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.
After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the others beat up the one on the ladder.
After some time, no monkey dare to go up the ladder regardless of the temptation.
Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The 1st thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately the other monkeys beat him up.
After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though never knew why.
A 2nd monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The 1st monkey participated on the beating for the 2nd monkey. A 3rd monkey was changed and the same was repeated (beating). The 4th was substituted and the beating was repeated and finally the 5th monkey was replaced.
What was left was a group of 5 monkeys that even though never received a cold shower, continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.
If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder…..
I bet you the answer would be….
“I don’t know – that’s how things are done around here”
Does it sounds familiar?
Don’t miss the opportunity to share this with others as they might be asking themselves why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there.
"Only two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity. And I am not so sure about the former." -Albert Einstein
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Job Interview - Honest HR Question-Answers
If we were to Honestly reply to all the HR Questions they would go something like this...
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.
5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company.
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today!
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.
9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job... more money
11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%).
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4.What would you do if we hire you?
Well, it depends on my mindset but I will try to work on whatever is allotted to me.
5.What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company.
6.What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7.What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learn that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today!
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.
9.Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10.Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job... more money
11.What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
12.What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
13.Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
14.What is the salary expected and how do u justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%).
Realistic laws that Newton forgot to state
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
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