A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.Your neighbour has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST:You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST:You have two cows.The government seizes both and sells youthe milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows,but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You count them and learn you have 5 cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:You think you have two cows,but you don't know what a cow looks like.You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you.You charge for storing them for others.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows.You worship them.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
HeyMath!!!!
Equation 1:Study = Dont Fail
Equation 2:Dont Study = Fail
Adding equation 1 & 2
Study + Dont Study = Dont Fail + Fail
Taking Study & Fail common,
Study ( 1 + Dont ) = Fail ( 1 + Dont )
Cancel ( 1 + Dont ) on both sides,
STUDY = FAIL !!!
Now tell me why should we waste our time???!!!!!!!!
Equation 2:Dont Study = Fail
Adding equation 1 & 2
Study + Dont Study = Dont Fail + Fail
Taking Study & Fail common,
Study ( 1 + Dont ) = Fail ( 1 + Dont )
Cancel ( 1 + Dont ) on both sides,
STUDY = FAIL !!!
Now tell me why should we waste our time???!!!!!!!!
The cricketers GOD!!!
"Destined to be a great" -Barry Richards.
"He is 99.5 percent perfect. I'd pay to see him" - Viv Richards.
"Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours" - Michael Kasprowicz.
"It's scary, where the hell do we bowl to him" -Allan Border.
"There is no shame being beaten by such a great player. We didn't lose to Team India. We Lost to Sachin Tendulkar" -Steve Waugh.
"If I've to bowl to Sachin, I'll bowl with my helmet on. He hits the ball so hard" - Dennis Lillee.
"I'd like to see him go out and bat one day with a stump. I tell you he'd do okay" -Greg Chappell.
"Cricketers like Sachin come once in a lifetime and I am privileged he played in my time" - Wasim Akram.
"The pressure on me is nothing as compared to Sachin Tendulkar. Sachin, like God, must never fail. The crowd always expects him to succeed and it is too much pressure on him" -Mark Waugh.
"Everybody gets 15 minutes of fame. But if there's one person I've admired over a 15-year of period, it's definitely Sachin." - Brain Lara
"I'll be going to bed having nightmares of Sachin just running down the wicket and belting me back over the head for six. He was unstoppable. I don't think anyone, apart from Don Bradman, is in the same class as Sachin Tendulkar. He is just an amazing player" -Shane Warne.
"I saw him playing on television and was struck by his technique, so I asked my wife to come look at him. Now I never saw myself play, but I feel that this player is playing much the same as I used to play, and she looked at him on Television and said yes, there is a similarity between the two... his compactness, technique, stroke production... it all seemed to gel" -Sir Donald Bradman.
"In an over I can bowl six different balls. But then Sachin looks at me with a sort of gentle arrogance down the pitch as if to say 'Can you bowl me another one?'" - Adam Hollioke
Sachin is cricket's God? Barry Richards.
You might pitch a ball on the off stump and think you have bowled a good ball and he walks across and hits it for two behind midwicket. His bat looks so heavy but he just waves it arounad like it's a toothpick? -Brett Lee
You have to decide for yourself whether you're bowling well or not. He's going to hit you for fours and sixes anyway? -Micheal Kasprowicz
Technically, you can't fault Sachin. Seam or spin, fast or slow ? nothing is a problem? -Geoffrey Boycott.
His life seems to be a stillness in a frantic world... [When he goes out to bat], it is beyond chaos - it is a frantic appeal by a nation to one man. The people see him as a God... ? Mathew Hayden, on Sachin Tendulkar.
I (Embarrassed laugh) am a normal person who plays cricket. I am nothing more than that? Sachin Tendulkar, on being told of above quote.
"The fact of the matter is that India still need Sachin in a big way. All this talk of the youngsters taking over is very foolish. The reason why Tendulkar is so important for the team is because of his ability to inspire others and make them perform under pressure" - Some day on "Times of India".
Cricket is the religion and sachin is the God Team India without Sachin is like Temple without God.
And, this is the best!!! (A True fan of Sachin carried this Banner in a match..)
"Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed becauseeven the Lord will be gone to watch his batting!!!."
"He is 99.5 percent perfect. I'd pay to see him" - Viv Richards.
"Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours" - Michael Kasprowicz.
"It's scary, where the hell do we bowl to him" -Allan Border.
"There is no shame being beaten by such a great player. We didn't lose to Team India. We Lost to Sachin Tendulkar" -Steve Waugh.
"If I've to bowl to Sachin, I'll bowl with my helmet on. He hits the ball so hard" - Dennis Lillee.
"I'd like to see him go out and bat one day with a stump. I tell you he'd do okay" -Greg Chappell.
"Cricketers like Sachin come once in a lifetime and I am privileged he played in my time" - Wasim Akram.
"The pressure on me is nothing as compared to Sachin Tendulkar. Sachin, like God, must never fail. The crowd always expects him to succeed and it is too much pressure on him" -Mark Waugh.
"Everybody gets 15 minutes of fame. But if there's one person I've admired over a 15-year of period, it's definitely Sachin." - Brain Lara
"I'll be going to bed having nightmares of Sachin just running down the wicket and belting me back over the head for six. He was unstoppable. I don't think anyone, apart from Don Bradman, is in the same class as Sachin Tendulkar. He is just an amazing player" -Shane Warne.
"I saw him playing on television and was struck by his technique, so I asked my wife to come look at him. Now I never saw myself play, but I feel that this player is playing much the same as I used to play, and she looked at him on Television and said yes, there is a similarity between the two... his compactness, technique, stroke production... it all seemed to gel" -Sir Donald Bradman.
"In an over I can bowl six different balls. But then Sachin looks at me with a sort of gentle arrogance down the pitch as if to say 'Can you bowl me another one?'" - Adam Hollioke
Sachin is cricket's God? Barry Richards.
You might pitch a ball on the off stump and think you have bowled a good ball and he walks across and hits it for two behind midwicket. His bat looks so heavy but he just waves it arounad like it's a toothpick? -Brett Lee
You have to decide for yourself whether you're bowling well or not. He's going to hit you for fours and sixes anyway? -Micheal Kasprowicz
Technically, you can't fault Sachin. Seam or spin, fast or slow ? nothing is a problem? -Geoffrey Boycott.
His life seems to be a stillness in a frantic world... [When he goes out to bat], it is beyond chaos - it is a frantic appeal by a nation to one man. The people see him as a God... ? Mathew Hayden, on Sachin Tendulkar.
I (Embarrassed laugh) am a normal person who plays cricket. I am nothing more than that? Sachin Tendulkar, on being told of above quote.
"The fact of the matter is that India still need Sachin in a big way. All this talk of the youngsters taking over is very foolish. The reason why Tendulkar is so important for the team is because of his ability to inspire others and make them perform under pressure" - Some day on "Times of India".
Cricket is the religion and sachin is the God Team India without Sachin is like Temple without God.
And, this is the best!!! (A True fan of Sachin carried this Banner in a match..)
"Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed becauseeven the Lord will be gone to watch his batting!!!."
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
LAPD Vs FBI Vs CIA
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
Letter to god !!!
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to
forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did
not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which
read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it
through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to
forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did
not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which
read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it
through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "
மென்பொருள் கவிதை!!!
எழுந்துவிட்ட அதிகாலை,
எழுப்பிவிட்ட கடிகாரம்,
காத்திருக்கும் கடமை,
இன்னும் உறங்கும் நண்பன்,
சர்க்கரை அதிகமாய் என்று
கேட்டு வாங்கி குடிக்கும் வீட்டு முற்றத்தின் கடை தேநீர்,
இயந்திரம் தந்த இதமான வெந்நீர்,
விரும்பிய இசைபாடும் குருவட்டு,
சுகமாய் பயணிக்க காத்திருக்கும் வாகனம்,
இரவு சந்திப்போமா என்று ஏகத்த்ூடன் காத்திருந்த மெத்தை,
எனக்கென்றே காத்திருக்கும் புத்தம் புது நாள்,
இத்தனை இருந்தும் ஏதோ இழப்பதாய் உணர்வு,
இரவு எப்போது வரும் என்று எங்குகிறேன்,
நாளைய காலையின் விழிப்பிலாவது
தாயின்,"மணி எட்டு ஆச்சு இன்னும் தூக்கத்த பாரு" எனும் குரல் கேட்காதா
என்ற எதிர்பார்ப்போடு......
இங்கனம்,
பாசத்தைக்கூட தவணை முறையில் பெறும்,
மென்பொருள் வல்லுனன்,
(பொருளை தேடுவதில் வாழ்க்கையை தொழைத்த வல்லுனன்)
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