Thursday, May 15, 2008

Wacky Definitions!!!

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.

Where u are in INDIA????

If you ever get lost in India and want to find out where you are, this is the best way of doing just that.

scenario 1 : two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who s right- you are in Kolkata.

scenario 2 : two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on– that's Mumbai.

scenario 3 : two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. the first two get together & beat him up- that's Delhi.

scenario 4 : two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy comes along and quietly opens a chai stall- that's Ahmadabad.

scenario 5 : two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. he writes a software program to solve the issue but the fight does not stop because of a bug in the program.- that s Bangalore.

scenario 6 : two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy comes along and quietly says "anna, dont fight for all this nonsense". peace comes in- thats Chennai.

scenario 7 : two guys are fighting. both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. now 50 guys are fighting.- you are in Hyderabad.

scenario 8 : two guys are fighting.,third guys comes try to stop them and get involved and call others too to stop, finally stop them,- you r in Rajasthan.

scenario 9 : two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. someone calls police. the police come and lathi charge all the people crowded there. someone throws stones at the police. the police throw stones back at the crowd. some people are arrested. damages to the shops nearby. next day, harthal and holiday declared by government ..You are very much in- thiruvananthapuram, the city of Kerala ...

Matrimonial ads version

These are Girls profiles taken from a matrimonial website.
Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a Profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...
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Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home.
I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore ..
if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanksyours Regards Sowmya
~*~(Truly yours)

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework(Wut Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life.I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.Because i love myself a lot.If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i am simple girl.I have lot of problem in my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL, WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOYTHEY ARE1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.(all of us are loughing {laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is too like this he would be called the man of the lamp(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

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i am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)( Confused ????? )

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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried.pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes(height of desperation! J )

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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)(Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )

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hello i am a good charactarised woman.i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...(but credit cards not accepted..???)(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there anything like that.)

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I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.(Zebra..???)(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)