This is from an actual trial in the UK :
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sardar...juz for joke....
1
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didn't U Xchange?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..
2
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.After seeing the Form, he went to New Delhi to Fill up the form. U knows y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
3
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
4
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
5
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "U will go to jail".
6
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why He does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
7
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=
8
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
9
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
10
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"S already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
11
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not Santa
12
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
13
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come
first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first will come first.
14
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did U come so far. Instead U could have posted it..
15
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
16
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'....
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
17
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
18
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why... Sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
19
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
20
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like
All d passengers in d car he was driving..
21
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
22
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why R U writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
23
Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 Bodies and are still digging for more..
24
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 China 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"
25
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how I look while sleeping.
BONUS !
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan Singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Oh Brother, Manmohan is PM not AM".
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didn't U Xchange?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..
2
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.After seeing the Form, he went to New Delhi to Fill up the form. U knows y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
3
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
4
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
5
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "U will go to jail".
6
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why He does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
7
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=
8
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
9
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
10
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"S already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
11
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not Santa
12
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
13
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come
first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first will come first.
14
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did U come so far. Instead U could have posted it..
15
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
16
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'....
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
17
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
18
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why... Sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
19
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
20
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like
All d passengers in d car he was driving..
21
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
22
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why R U writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
23
Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 Bodies and are still digging for more..
24
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 China 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"
25
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how I look while sleeping.
BONUS !
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan Singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Oh Brother, Manmohan is PM not AM".
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Funny Killer English
Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "
************ ********* ***
Class teacher once said :
" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************ ********* ***
once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."
************ ********* ***
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
************ ********* ***
don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
************ ********* ***
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
************ ********* ***
teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************ ********* ***
"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
************ ********* ***
My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
************ ********* ***
"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
************ ********* ***
"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
************ ********* ***
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
************ ********* ***
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
************ ********* ***
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************ ********* ***
"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
************ ********* ***
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
************ ********* ***
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
************ ********* ***
Class teacher once said :
" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************ ********* ***
once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."
************ ********* ***
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
************ ********* ***
don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
************ ********* ***
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
************ ********* ***
teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************ ********* ***
"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
************ ********* ***
My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
************ ********* ***
"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
************ ********* ***
"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
************ ********* ***
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
************ ********* ***
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
************ ********* ***
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************ ********* ***
"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
************ ********* ***
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
************ ********* ***
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
Sardar ji strikes again!!!
No offense please.....
Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: J for se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped..
Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .
A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.
Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: J for se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped..
Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
Exclusive vijay comedies
Records:
Russians: We are living in 48 deg cool temp we are great
Africans: We are living in 48 deg heat v are great
Tamilan: We are living even after seeing 48 vijay films. Goyala yarkitta......
Bus comedy:
Doctor - Ennappa eppadi adi pattuch
patient - Bus-la porappa 'vijay' padam pottanga,
Theatre-nu ninachu velia vanthutten
Doctor- ??????
Chess comedy:
Ajit - chess vilaiyaada povom varingala?
vijay - neega pou ground la wait pannunga naan shoe pottutu varean -- vijay rocks
National anthem:
Viajy to prabhudeva: Indha patu superah Iruke idha Namba Padathula Remake panalama
Prabu Deva: Dei nasama ponavane Adhu Desiya Geetham da
Diff between kamal and vijay
Kamal acts in 10 diff role in one film(original).
but vijay acts in same role in 10 different dupping films.
Director comedy :
Director - Vadivelu podalama, Illa karunas podalama
Vijay - Comedy kuda nane pannuran sir
Director - Comedy neenga than panringa nan hero yara podalamnu think panran
Doctor vijay:
Dr. vijay sslc goes 2 a shop & shouts where is the free gift with this mineral water.
Seller: There is no free gift with this
Vijay: But on the lable its written bacteria free. I am doctor u can't cheat me
( Enjoy non stop doctor vijay comedies )
Driver - Sorry sir petrol mulusa dry aagidichi , inimel oru adi kuda munnadi nagarathu
Dogtor vijay - Hmm.. sari reverse edu veetukavathu pokalam
Exam hall:
Ajith & vijay writing semester exam:
vijay : Thala konjam answer kattunga
Ajit: Hindi paper da idhu unnaku tamil exam da
vijay: Parravala adha kattunga na tamila remake pannikuraen
Thala: Idhuku picha edukalaam
vijay: yevalavo panrom idhu panna maatomaa......
Exclusive vijay comedies:
1. How a police can wear boot cut and have style hair?(pokiri)
2. How to go to final match after losing semi finals?(Gilli)
3. How to become boxer in 1 day & 1 song? (Badri)
4.How to come alive even after dying?(puthya geethai)
5. And finally having a long jump record for a half a KM in kuruvi....
Still to be continued :-) enna koduma sir idhu....
TV special:
Customer. Intha TV velai enna?
Salesman: 1,00,000 sir
Cus: Appadi enna special?
Salesman: Tv la "vijay" program vanda aduve thana vera channel maridum
Suntv:
vijay : Namma suntv mela case podanum
Manager : Ethukku sir
vijay : Ennoda aduthapadam hit aagumnu sonnatha, vilayatu seithi la pottu irukanga
Russians: We are living in 48 deg cool temp we are great
Africans: We are living in 48 deg heat v are great
Tamilan: We are living even after seeing 48 vijay films. Goyala yarkitta......
Bus comedy:
Doctor - Ennappa eppadi adi pattuch
patient - Bus-la porappa 'vijay' padam pottanga,
Theatre-nu ninachu velia vanthutten
Doctor- ??????
Chess comedy:
Ajit - chess vilaiyaada povom varingala?
vijay - neega pou ground la wait pannunga naan shoe pottutu varean -- vijay rocks
National anthem:
Viajy to prabhudeva: Indha patu superah Iruke idha Namba Padathula Remake panalama
Prabu Deva: Dei nasama ponavane Adhu Desiya Geetham da
Diff between kamal and vijay
Kamal acts in 10 diff role in one film(original).
but vijay acts in same role in 10 different dupping films.
Director comedy :
Director - Vadivelu podalama, Illa karunas podalama
Vijay - Comedy kuda nane pannuran sir
Director - Comedy neenga than panringa nan hero yara podalamnu think panran
Doctor vijay:
Dr. vijay sslc goes 2 a shop & shouts where is the free gift with this mineral water.
Seller: There is no free gift with this
Vijay: But on the lable its written bacteria free. I am doctor u can't cheat me
( Enjoy non stop doctor vijay comedies )
Driver - Sorry sir petrol mulusa dry aagidichi , inimel oru adi kuda munnadi nagarathu
Dogtor vijay - Hmm.. sari reverse edu veetukavathu pokalam
Exam hall:
Ajith & vijay writing semester exam:
vijay : Thala konjam answer kattunga
Ajit: Hindi paper da idhu unnaku tamil exam da
vijay: Parravala adha kattunga na tamila remake pannikuraen
Thala: Idhuku picha edukalaam
vijay: yevalavo panrom idhu panna maatomaa......
Exclusive vijay comedies:
1. How a police can wear boot cut and have style hair?(pokiri)
2. How to go to final match after losing semi finals?(Gilli)
3. How to become boxer in 1 day & 1 song? (Badri)
4.How to come alive even after dying?(puthya geethai)
5. And finally having a long jump record for a half a KM in kuruvi....
Still to be continued :-) enna koduma sir idhu....
TV special:
Customer. Intha TV velai enna?
Salesman: 1,00,000 sir
Cus: Appadi enna special?
Salesman: Tv la "vijay" program vanda aduve thana vera channel maridum
Suntv:
vijay : Namma suntv mela case podanum
Manager : Ethukku sir
vijay : Ennoda aduthapadam hit aagumnu sonnatha, vilayatu seithi la pottu irukanga
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