Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Work Telephones !!!
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!
Men are Priceless !!!
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.'
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.'
Why Constant Worry is Useless!!!
We live in a culture where everyone seems to worry. Turn on the news – someone got shot, there’s mercury in the fish we eat, the cows have got BSE, a new super-flu is coming, terrorists are regrouping... on and on it goes.
If you take all of this stuff seriously, it’s likely that you’ll never go out, never eat, never travel, or never take any kind of risk at all. But in fact, worry makes no sense at all.
Here are some reasons why worry really is a pointless and damaging activity, though I suspect we all know this deep down.
Things never happen the way you imagine. When you worry, you are predicting the future. You are saying ‘I know that things will turn out badly.’ But this just isn’t the case. You have no idea how the future is going to turn out, except to say that it will not be what you think it will be. So why worry?
Worry means you give away your power.Some people are so entrenched in worry that they cannot see any other way to live. But worry robs you of your power to be proactive. The truth is that you are in control and you can choose how to react to situations, so why choose to give that power away so easily and so unconsciously?
Worrying is completely unproductive.Why waste your energy doing something that gets you nowhere. On a treadmill, at least you get some exercise, but worry is a truly pointless activity. Spend your time and energy on something more useful.
Worry distorts reality.We live in an age where people live longer, have better access to health care, have more opportunity for personal and professional growth, more chance to travel, greater access to information and lifelong education, and many other wonderful things. Yes, there are risks and potential dangers, but worry magnifies these disproportionately and blinds us to the wonders of our age.
Worrying is bad for your health.Worry is not a normal state of mind and it adversely affects your health, even your physical health. When you worry, physical changes are happening in your body which are very damaging. It increases stress which can increase blood pressure, cause higher levels of stomach acid, cause muscle tension and headaches, among many other things.
Worry is not natural.Do little children worry? Do animals worry? Do all adults worry? There is nothing inherent in being human that means you have to worry. Worry is a pathology, a distortion of our natural, healthy state.
Do you know the most frequent instruction given in the Bible? Surprisingly, it is not ‘love one another’ or ‘love God’ or anything like that. It is simple ‘do not be afraid.’ I don’t know how many times it appears, but I’ve seen estimates between 100 and 366 times. You don’t have to be religious to realize that this is good advice.
So how can we break out of this worry habit? Like all habits, it might not be easy to do, but there are some clear, simple and effective steps you can take to eliminate worry from your life.
Realize that you are in control.In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey tells us that the first step to a better life is the realization that we are free to choose how to react to circumstances. Worry is a choice – it’s inside our own head and, as such, it is within the sphere of our own influence.
Recognize that worry is a habit.Like all habits, there is a momentum to worry, and it might not be easy to break away from this, especially if you’ve been a worrier all your life. But it’s possible to change any habit.
Keep things in perspective.E. Joseph Crossman said, ‘If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.’ Are you still worrying about those things? Will all this stuff matter in 100 years from now?
Face your fears.Nelson DeMille said that ‘Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face.’ After you do something that scares you, you’ll probably find it wasn’t as bad as you thought. With time, all your worry will dissipate.
Stop trying to be in control of everything.You cannot control the whole world. Things happen that are truly outside our circle of influence, and so we need to relax and accept that sometimes things just happen as they will. This is part of life, and worry will not change it one little bit.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.If you fail, so what? If you screw up, is it the end of the world? Are you really so important that the world will stop turning if you get things wrong? Life is not that serious.
Worry is a dangerous and poisonous thing. You must not let it eat away at you.Finally, one of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain. ‘I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.’
PS : Nice article from http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/12/why-worry.html
If you take all of this stuff seriously, it’s likely that you’ll never go out, never eat, never travel, or never take any kind of risk at all. But in fact, worry makes no sense at all.
Here are some reasons why worry really is a pointless and damaging activity, though I suspect we all know this deep down.
Things never happen the way you imagine. When you worry, you are predicting the future. You are saying ‘I know that things will turn out badly.’ But this just isn’t the case. You have no idea how the future is going to turn out, except to say that it will not be what you think it will be. So why worry?
Worry means you give away your power.Some people are so entrenched in worry that they cannot see any other way to live. But worry robs you of your power to be proactive. The truth is that you are in control and you can choose how to react to situations, so why choose to give that power away so easily and so unconsciously?
Worrying is completely unproductive.Why waste your energy doing something that gets you nowhere. On a treadmill, at least you get some exercise, but worry is a truly pointless activity. Spend your time and energy on something more useful.
Worry distorts reality.We live in an age where people live longer, have better access to health care, have more opportunity for personal and professional growth, more chance to travel, greater access to information and lifelong education, and many other wonderful things. Yes, there are risks and potential dangers, but worry magnifies these disproportionately and blinds us to the wonders of our age.
Worrying is bad for your health.Worry is not a normal state of mind and it adversely affects your health, even your physical health. When you worry, physical changes are happening in your body which are very damaging. It increases stress which can increase blood pressure, cause higher levels of stomach acid, cause muscle tension and headaches, among many other things.
Worry is not natural.Do little children worry? Do animals worry? Do all adults worry? There is nothing inherent in being human that means you have to worry. Worry is a pathology, a distortion of our natural, healthy state.
Do you know the most frequent instruction given in the Bible? Surprisingly, it is not ‘love one another’ or ‘love God’ or anything like that. It is simple ‘do not be afraid.’ I don’t know how many times it appears, but I’ve seen estimates between 100 and 366 times. You don’t have to be religious to realize that this is good advice.
So how can we break out of this worry habit? Like all habits, it might not be easy to do, but there are some clear, simple and effective steps you can take to eliminate worry from your life.
Realize that you are in control.In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey tells us that the first step to a better life is the realization that we are free to choose how to react to circumstances. Worry is a choice – it’s inside our own head and, as such, it is within the sphere of our own influence.
Recognize that worry is a habit.Like all habits, there is a momentum to worry, and it might not be easy to break away from this, especially if you’ve been a worrier all your life. But it’s possible to change any habit.
Keep things in perspective.E. Joseph Crossman said, ‘If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.’ Are you still worrying about those things? Will all this stuff matter in 100 years from now?
Face your fears.Nelson DeMille said that ‘Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face.’ After you do something that scares you, you’ll probably find it wasn’t as bad as you thought. With time, all your worry will dissipate.
Stop trying to be in control of everything.You cannot control the whole world. Things happen that are truly outside our circle of influence, and so we need to relax and accept that sometimes things just happen as they will. This is part of life, and worry will not change it one little bit.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.If you fail, so what? If you screw up, is it the end of the world? Are you really so important that the world will stop turning if you get things wrong? Life is not that serious.
Worry is a dangerous and poisonous thing. You must not let it eat away at you.Finally, one of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain. ‘I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.’
PS : Nice article from http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/12/why-worry.html
Friday, September 26, 2008
If TITANIC is made in INDIA!!!
There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain.
The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya".
Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die on the first dip.
The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson.
None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
And last but not least
Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for SC/ST/OBC.
There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course singing in the rain.
The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya".
Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive, but the villian would die on the first dip.
The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a lesson.
None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.
And last but not least
Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for SC/ST/OBC.
A Mathematician's Love Letter!!!
De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown
function.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown
function.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras
Perspective!!!
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was thetrip?'
'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.
The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
'Life is too short and friends are too few.'
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was thetrip?'
'It was great, Dad.'
'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.
'Oh yeah,' said the son.'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.
The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
'Life is too short and friends are too few.'
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