HRD Notice of a company to employees!!!

Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).

- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

6) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.

Best Regards,

HRD

Lateral Thinking kids!!!

Printing Mistake in question Paper:

"Prove that 2/10 = 0.2" is wrongly printed as "Prove that 2/10=2".

Students: Evvalavo panittom, itha panna mattoma?

2-two

10-ten

=>2/10

=Two/ten

cancel t

=wo/en

by albhabetic order,w-23

o-15

e-5

n-14

w+0=23+15=38

e+n=5+14=19

so,38/19=2

Hence proved

PERFORMANCE & not POSITION matters!!!

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice.

I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'

"It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts."

I Want To Go Back To The Time...

When INNOCENCE Was NATURAL,Not FAKE.

When GETTING HIGH Meant On A SWING,Not PROMOTIONS.

When DRINKING Meant RASNA ORANGE,Not BEERS/ WHISKEYS Or COFFEE/TEA.

When DAD Was The Only HERO,Not DEPP Or TOM.

When LOVE Was MOM’S HUG,Not The GIRL FRIENDS’ / BOY FRIENDS’.

When DAD’S SHOULDER Was The HIGHEST PLACE On The Earth,Not DESIGNATION.

When Your WORST ENEMIES Were Your SIBLINGS,Not MANAGER.

When The Only Thing That Could HURT Were BLEEDING KNEES,Not The TEARS Falling Down Your Cheeks.

When The Only Things BROKEN Were TOYS,Not The DYING HEARTS.

And When GOOD-BYES Meant TILL TOMORROW,Not For YEARS & YEARS.

Email Heights!!!

HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by someone in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself.

Really Smart!!!

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.And they say Kashmir belongs to them".

Pay Attention!!!

1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.
Then he said them to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION; I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.


Moral:Life is tough but it’s a lot tougher when you are not paying attention!!!