Arrested for laughing!

This is from an actual trial in the UK :

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed!

Sardar...juz for joke....

1
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didn't U Xchange?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..


2
A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.After seeing the Form, he went to New Delhi to Fill up the form. U knows y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".


3
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

4
19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...

5
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "U will go to jail".

6
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why He does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

7
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=

8
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

9
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

10
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"S already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

11
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not Santa

12
ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER

13
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come
first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first will come first.

14
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did U come so far. Instead U could have posted it..

15
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

16
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'....
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

17
WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

18
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why... Sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

19
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

20
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like
All d passengers in d car he was driving..

21
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

22
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why R U writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

23
Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 Bodies and are still digging for more..

24
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 China 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"

25
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how I look while sleeping.

BONUS !

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan Singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Oh Brother, Manmohan is PM not AM".

Funny Killer English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "

************ ********* ***
Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

************ ********* ***

once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."

************ ********* ***

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

************ ********* ***

don't. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

************ ********* ***

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

************ ********* ***

teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

************ ********* ***

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

************ ********* ***

My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

************ ********* ***

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

************ ********* ***

"will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

************ ********* ***

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

************ ********* ***

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

************ ********* ***

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

************ ********* ***

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

************ ********* ***

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

************ ********* ***

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Sardar ji strikes again!!!

No offense please.....


Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .


A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.


Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 2 ltr.


Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..


Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..


One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: J for se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.


2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.


Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.


Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....


A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......


A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped..
Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

Exclusive vijay comedies

Records:

Russians: We are living in 48 deg cool temp we are great
Africans: We are living in 48 deg heat v are great
Tamilan: We are living even after seeing 48 vijay films. Goyala yarkitta......

Bus comedy:

Doctor - Ennappa eppadi adi pattuch
patient - Bus-la porappa 'vijay' padam pottanga,
Theatre-nu ninachu velia vanthutten
Doctor- ??????


Chess comedy:

Ajit - chess vilaiyaada povom varingala?
vijay - neega pou ground la wait pannunga naan shoe pottutu varean -- vijay rocks

National anthem:

Viajy to prabhudeva: Indha patu superah Iruke idha Namba Padathula Remake panalama
Prabu Deva: Dei nasama ponavane Adhu Desiya Geetham da

Diff between kamal and vijay

Kamal acts in 10 diff role in one film(original).
but vijay acts in same role in 10 different dupping films.

Director comedy :

Director - Vadivelu podalama, Illa karunas podalama
Vijay - Comedy kuda nane pannuran sir
Director - Comedy neenga than panringa nan hero yara podalamnu think panran


Doctor vijay:

Dr. vijay sslc goes 2 a shop & shouts where is the free gift with this mineral water.
Seller: There is no free gift with this
Vijay: But on the lable its written bacteria free. I am doctor u can't cheat me
( Enjoy non stop doctor vijay comedies )

Driver - Sorry sir petrol mulusa dry aagidichi , inimel oru adi kuda munnadi nagarathu
Dogtor vijay - Hmm.. sari reverse edu veetukavathu pokalam


Exam hall:

Ajith & vijay writing semester exam:
vijay : Thala konjam answer kattunga
Ajit: Hindi paper da idhu unnaku tamil exam da
vijay: Parravala adha kattunga na tamila remake pannikuraen
Thala: Idhuku picha edukalaam
vijay: yevalavo panrom idhu panna maatomaa......


Exclusive vijay comedies:

1. How a police can wear boot cut and have style hair?(pokiri)
2. How to go to final match after losing semi finals?(Gilli)
3. How to become boxer in 1 day & 1 song? (Badri)
4.How to come alive even after dying?(puthya geethai)
5. And finally having a long jump record for a half a KM in kuruvi....
Still to be continued :-) enna koduma sir idhu....


TV special:

Customer. Intha TV velai enna?
Salesman: 1,00,000 sir
Cus: Appadi enna special?
Salesman: Tv la "vijay" program vanda aduve thana vera channel maridum

Suntv:

vijay : Namma suntv mela case podanum
Manager : Ethukku sir
vijay : Ennoda aduthapadam hit aagumnu sonnatha, vilayatu seithi la pottu irukanga

Wanna b such a Boss!!!

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present..

The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?"

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.

"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?"

"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000",responds the clerk.

"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.

The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.But the other two call him *BOSS"!!

Am-eri-cans!!!

A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.


He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.


A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:

"You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers.Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".


The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"


Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:


"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.


"But I am not an American!" - says the man. "Oh, what are you then?"


The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"


The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog"

Deadly Scrabble!!!

Someone who had too much time at his hands

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN



MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

The Art of Changing Easily & Gracefully!!!

• Accept yourself exactly as you are.
• Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
• Get familiar with what you want.
• Focus on changing your thinking, rather than focusing on changing your behavior.
• Break your change into small, achievable steps you can take on a daily basis.
• Practice, practice, practice.
• Surround yourself with people who are being the way you want to be and living the life you want to live.

Passing information between parent and child window.

Had a problem in fixing a javascript scenario of passing information between parent and child window.

If you are going to assign a parent windows variable from child window, that variable has the assigned value , even if the child window is closed.

But if you try to assign an object like array or something in the child window, the assigned variable or object exists in the parent window only if the child window is still open. If the child window is closed , the variable becomes null.

It seems, in this case the parent variable just has the reference to the variable in the child window and not the exact values.

In my case , i want to pass array from child to parent window and i did in the following way.

function settingParentWindowVariable(obj)
{ if(obj.length>0)
 {
  for(var i=0;i
  parentvariable[i] = obj[i];
  }
 }
}

I am not sure, whether it is the correct way of doing it.But it works in this case.

PS: There exists Tech post. Atleast to serve my bad memory.

Politically correct!!!!

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the
attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case
you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman,"Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The barman says "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3".

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

Women are extremely determined!!!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,

interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"


The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."


The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."


Finally, it was the woman's turn.

She was given the same instructions, tokill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun was loaded with false bullets" she said.

"I had to beat him to death with the chair!!"


MORAL: Women are extremely determined.. Don't mess with them!!!

No Comparison!!!

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,

"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work as a new one.So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic...........


He said: " Try to do it when the engine is running ".

Window parent handler!!!

If there is a need to perform any operation in a parent window w.r.t the actions or events performed in the child window , but without refreshing the parent window , javascript comes in handy with its window.opener functionality.You can set/alter the values of the javascript variables in the parent window from the child window.You can also excecute the javascript functions of the parent window from the child window.Using this you can play with the entire DOM elements of the parent window.

For example,

window.opener.parent_variable1='XXX';
window.opener.parent_variable2=false;
window.opener.parent_function1();

PS :
Why did i write this?
Bcoz i will forget it in another 2 days.
And why did i write this (negligible)technical post?
Need to find the answer....
Will it be a start to write technical posts?
Should wait and see....

Driving Styles!!!

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
- Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn.
- Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
- Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.
- New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to someone in back seat.
- Italy

One hand on horn,one hand greeting,one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,conversation with someone in next car.

- Welcome to India!

Modern Banking explained !!!

A.) Bankers take more money from People and return less.
B.) Bankers take even more money from People and return even less.
C.) Bankers take HUGE amount of money from People and return nothing .

The above steps are further explained below:

1.) There are two types of people in the world - The Bankers and The People.

2.) The Bankers are smart, The People are stupid.

3.) People earn money by getting paid for hard work or selling something they have (businesses).

4.) Bankers earn money by taking more money from people and giving them back less money, they call this 'interest'(People keep their money in the bank on 2-3% interest, People take loans from the bank on 14-16% interest).

5.) Once the Bankers have a steady stream of money from the People as given in '4', they get bored and they decide to fool the people some more.

6.) The Bankers now come up with 'financial products' so that the People will give them more money thinking that they'll make more money (high return, more interest).

7.) The Bankers now give this money to people who'll not be able to pay back the high return, more interest.

8.) The Bankers declare a "financial crisis" keeping all the focus on the people who didn't pay back the high interest (which was always unrealistic).

9.) The Bankers then take more money from the People (Bailouts) to compensate for the defaulted loans.

10.) The Bankers don't have to repay this money to the people whom it was taken from because they have been told that their 'financial products' are now bust.

Now to Grades of stupidity of people:

1st grade - these people pay their taxes and put the rest of their earnings in the bank.

2nd grade - these people pay their taxes and put the rest of their earnings in the bank, in bank schemes (FDs, etc).

3rd grade - these people pay their taxes and put the rest of their earnings in the bank, in bank schemes (FDs, etc) and then take loans from the bank.

4th grade - these people pay their taxes and put the rest of their earnings in the bank, in bank schemes (FDs, etc) and then take loans from the bank and support bailouts for banks since there is a 'financial crisis'.

5th grade - these people pay their taxes and put the rest of their earnings in the bank ,in bank schemes (FDs, etc) and then take loans from the bank and support bailouts for banks since there is a 'financial crisis', and stop spending and put even more money in the bank because there is a 'financial crisis'.

I am currently in the 1st grade of stupidity, when this "financial crisis" gets better, I'll make more money and proceed to the next grades of stupidity, I hope I can cover all the grades in one lifetime, then I can be a successful man, I've always wanted to do something with my life, and I'll work very hard to achieve 'something' in life.

Are you a cracked pot???

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Moral : Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

How about this circular in your office???

[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear STAFF ,Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, weassume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and thereforeyou do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1employee). - They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. - If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the companybulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money topay your salary.

6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deductedfrom your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, chargeswill be deducted from your salary.- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary fornext 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide apositive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Are U a Garbage Truck???

One day I hopped into a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street.

Moral : Successful people don't let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so… Love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

One Minute Manager !!!

The One Minute Manager, by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson, is a remarkable book about management. It is about a young man who is in search of an effective manager and is willing to work for one.

In his search, he meets some ‘autocratic’ managers who are only concerned about the results. Their organizations gained while their people lost. He also meets ‘democratic’ managers who are concerned only about the people. Their people gained while their organizations lost. He was looking for an effective manager who was interested in the people as well as the results so that both the people and the organization gained in his management.

Then the young man comes across a manager who calls himself “the one minute manager” as it took very little time for him to get big results from people.

The one minute manager shares the secrets of his success with the young man, which are as follows:

FIRST SECRET: One Minute Goals
One minute goal setting is about being aware of what is expected from the beginning. When deciding upon the desired goal and the performance standards, it is recorded on a single sheet of paper. One minute goal setting is so called because it should take only one minute to be able to read it.

Why One Minute Goals work
One minute goal setting is an important tool for management because it provides immediate feedback to the worker; this feedback turns into motivation. If you are playing football and you are not aware of how many points you scored, you would lose interest in the game after a certain point. On the other hand, if you know you need 5 points to win and you have scored 3 points, you will try your best to get the other 2 points.Unless you are sure of what is it that you need to do, you keep beating around the bush without producing the accurate results. Say, for example, if I ask you to clean the room, you would not know whether to sweep the room, place everything in order, arrange the books in the shelf or do all the three. On the other hand, if I ask you to sweep the room and arrange the books, you know exactly what you need to do. As a result, both you and me are satisfied with the job.One minute goals work in a similar manner, where both the employee as well as the employer knows what is expected from the beginning of a task. Writing is important so that you can periodically view your performance against your target and check your progress. Thus, one minute goals help you to perform better and produce efficient results.

SECOND SECRET: One Minute Praisings
After the one minute goal setting, the second step in one minute management is to catch people doing something right. This is when the one minute praisings are given. One minute praisings are so called because it hardly takes a minute for you to tell someone that he or she did a good job. There is no need to elaborate when you can simply say that he or she he did something good and you noticed it. One minute praisings include praising the people immediately, telling them what they did right, how you feel about it and encourage them to do more of the same.

Why One Minute Praisings work
Let's consider a very simple example. A child does not learn to walk straight away. When you teach a child to walk, you don’t expect him to start walking as soon as he stands up. He first toddles, and then he tries to stand up and falls in the first few attempts. Then he wobbles a few steps and you cuddle him and hug him, making him feel that he has done something worth praising. He then tries to do more of the same and finally learns to walk. In the same way, one minute praisings is a way of encouraging your staff.One minute praisings show that you are genuinely interested in your people and care for them and their success. One minute praisings aim at catching people ‘doing something right’ rather than catching them ‘doing something wrong’ like most other organizations. Although the two might seem to be the same thing, there is a lot of difference. If you emphasize on catching people doing something wrong, their main aim is simply to do no wrong, not necessarily go above and beyond and produce great results. This produces mediocrity because everyone will tend to walk the middle line. For exceptional results you need your people to put in their best.

THIRD SECRET: One Minute Reprimands
One minute reprimands are given as soon as an employee does something wrong. One minute reprimand has two parts. The first half includes telling the people that what they did wrong, how you feel about it and then let it sink in with a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. Then in the second half you tell the people how much you think they are capable of and how much you value them. One important aspect of one minute reprimands is that it criticizes the work not the doer. The employee is not blamed as a person, only his work is accused of not being up to the desired level. And once it's over, it's over.

Why One Minute Reprimands work
One minute reprimands are highly effective because the feedback is immediate, unlike the annual reviews where you are charged for things committed several weeks or months ago. If you were being scolded for a mistake you made 7-8 months back, it would hardly make any impact on you, whereas if you are being scolded for a mistake you made yesterday, it will surely affect you. If a mistake is pointed out as soon as it is made it can easily be corrected. Since one mistake is pointed at one time, the people hear it seriously and your message is easily conveyed to them.

PS : This is anice article from http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/12/3-key-lessons-we-can-learn-from-one.html